My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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