Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
