No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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