Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vagina just clenched in fear
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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