I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
