I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
