There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
