grandma shit on top of the toilet
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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