2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
