we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
