The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
