I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize