Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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