yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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