And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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