i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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