operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
