I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
