I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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