Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize