I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
