I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
