Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
