Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
