i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
porn star boner night. come get it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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