I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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