im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
