Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
