So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
