I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
