she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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