Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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