My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
