I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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