I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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