This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
