you suck at this game today
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.