and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
