he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
