I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
