i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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