the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize