Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
