why didn't you poke me back
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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