i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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