brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
