There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
