When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
