Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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