My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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