what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
