Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My penis needs a shock collar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
