Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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