I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
