just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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