If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
