please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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