They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
