I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
