Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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