There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
