Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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