Kiss
Puke
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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