her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
