My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
