So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
