Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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