someone get that fucking seahorse.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
