At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
