Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
