You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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