If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
