Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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