I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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