I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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