There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
