I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
