Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
