I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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