I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
