Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As shirtless as possible
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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