oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
FUCK WHALES
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