I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
