She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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